Church is made of people whom are at different points in their life.

June 5, 2010

I’ve been working at Whitehouse for about nine months now and am digging deeper at helping tend each of its ministries. There is a man in the church; we’ll call him G-money, who selflessly helps out in several of said ministries. It’s important to know that at this point there is a lot of momentum building in Whitehouse over all: New members are joining, more children are showing up to Bible classes, the minister and deaconess are running all sorts of classes during the week, it’s the season for summer cook-outs, etc.

Meanwhile, Jonny, the head youth director, and I are trying to start up a new young adult course in efforts to invite the missing 17-25 age bracket back into the church. And so in going along planning for what all we needed we also discovered there was a need for the right people to be present as mentors. Immediately G-money came to mind. He’s spiritually wise and has a good amount of life experience and yet isn’t too old that he wouldn’t be able to relate to the young adults. He’d be perfect! And so, with positive outlook, we went on to discuss this with the minister whom informed us that although she saw where we were coming from, She was actually to soon have discussion with G-money (and his dynamic wife who we’ll call Sheryl) about their overall involvement with Whitehouse in general. Because they do help so much, the minister didn’t want them to get burned out. This put the brakes on our planning high, but brought a valid lesson that I wanted to share with you. Sometimes you get so deep in projects and dates and deadlines that you lose sight of the bigger picture. Even with the purest intensions in work, we need to also respect that people on the job have lives outside work too (including ourselves).

How can I get along with someone I don't like?

May 10, 2010

Yesterday at SWAT there was some anger between two groups of boys that escalated into stone throwing. I actually wasn’t shocked as I took each boy and asked them individually to stop throwing rocks and crumbed brick shards. The youth director eventually came out and called for a cease fire and for all the boys to come in the church immediately. When we gathered there in the session room, the boys sat divided by clique. It was an awkward division to me because on side was the oldest and youngest extremes of our youth-groups age brackets and the others were aged in the median. Our discussion began with ultimatums, but and the accusations grew deeper, I began to sense there was more going on than just unfairness and retaliation. These boys didn’t really know each other and in their own minds had separated themselves into ‘us’ and ‘them’ groups. I jumped on the chance to reassure them that they were all equally SWAT and that I wouldn’t suspend or disinvite any particular group of boys more so than another. That, of course didn’t sit well, but was enough to win them over into listening. It’s not fair to the older boys that the other group would come and muck-about the entire evening weekend after weekend. It’s not right for the older boys to retaliate in anger by throwing stones. It’s curious that the younger boys would feel like they need to act ‘hard’ when they come down to SWAT. It’s no wonder that ‘pack mentality’ exacerbates their antagonistic behavior.

But at the core, we as a youth ministry and church need to make sure we are putting out the right corrective measures. We won’t do them any favors by disinviting them to come back and yet we cannot tolerate this behavior. I spoke to them about loving your neighbor as you love yourself – which I translated into – you don’t throw rocks at them because you wouldn’t throw a rock at yourself. I feel like they, like most of us do in life, have run into a moral wall and are struggling with the internal question, “how do you love someone you don’t even like?” In the up coming weeks we, the leaders of the youth ministry are going to initiate Sunday night programs that address respecting one another and emphasize getting to know one another. I feel that this will change their minds about how to deal with confrontation when anger arises between them. You wouldn’t throw a stone at someone you knew well, even if you didn’t like them, and that’s the appeal toward ‘the good’ that I want to instill in these boys.

Living in Ireland Inventory

My friend Kaitlin Nelson in the States is doing a project for a social studies methods class. She had asked me to answer a few questions about Ireland so I though I'd post my responses for your benefit. Here they are:

1. What is your favorite part of being in Ireland? What do you think is most different and what is most similar to the United States?

It’s all about attitude. Most of the people I hang around are great. they're warm, welcoming have a good sense of humour. One of the differences though, about some of the population here, is that people are more prone to ‘have a moan’ which is generally a light complaint usually about something that could’ve been prevented or something so far out of control that you’d wonder why anyone would be burdened by it. It rains a lot more here than where I’m from, and on top of that, there’s no thunder to be heard here! What gives? I like that I can walk place to place here and catch the bus which comes by every 10 mins or so.

2. What are the traditional food people eat in Ireland? Are there foods that you would see in the United States but don’t see in Ireland?

Potatoes, Potatoes, and Potatoes! It’s not uncommon to have 2 or 3 different preparations of potatoes served in the same meal. As a matter of fact today at lunch I had both boiled and chips (fries) on my plate. I just tried a local food here called ‘pasti’ the other night. If you ever see it near you, …Run! There’s also meat concoctions called black pudding and white pudding that I don’t much care for, however their bacon here is like a thick ham strip. Num nums. (they call ours ‘streaky bacon’)

3. What does someone from Ireland wear on a normal day? What do they wear on special occasions or holidays?

Pretty much the same as in America, each class will dress respective to their lifestyle. Although the students uniforms look like those of the houses in Harry Potter!

4. What does a typical house look like? Is it different or the same from homes in the United States? Are the houses in neighborhoods or more spread out?

They call ‘em 2 up 2 down (in reference to the # of rooms up and down stairs. In a moderate to low income housing development like I live in, space would be tighter than the standards in America ( but maybe that’s just because I’m from TX, hahaha) Our fridge is the size of college student dorm room fridges and same with the washing machine. Neighborhoods are densely packed; this island ain’t getting any bigger.

5. What is the most frequent form of transportation in Ireland? (Cars, busses, subways, bikes, walking, etc.)

Here in Belfast it’s Cars and Busses. There is no subway here, and riding a bike like I do you have to be really carefully as the streets are very narrow and crowded. There will be more people walking about on the streets than you’d find in America, but then again the way the city is set up, it’s more convenient that way. In America the places you’d typically go in a day are just so spread out you’d benefit with a car. (but the environment wouldn’t…aww L)

6. Are there any possessions people might have that are of value to them? Are there any possessions Americans would have that people in Ireland do not value?

I don’t know where to start on that one, sorry J

7. What do people usually do for fun in Ireland? (Parks, recreation, entertainment, etc.)

Pubs and Clubs

8. Are there any special standards of beauty that are different from Americans? (ie. American women shave their legs/underarms and wear makeup…is there anything like that that Irish do or do not do?)

I’m sure all the shaving is the same, however since there is rarely abundant sunshine here, the vast majority of the population would be pale. Spray-tan or Fake-bake as it’s called is more prominent here. Also there would be very sheik hair styles here and lots of hosiery and eye-shadow.

9. What are the signs of non verbal communication? (In the United States a thumbs up might be a good thing. Are there any symbols that they use that are similar or different?)

In passing someone (usually between men) instead of lifting your chin and letting your head rock back (as in a ‘what’s up’ motion) the men tend to jerk their chin to the side leaving the head to tilt to the other side. …I don’t know why it amuses me so much. J

10. What are the languages used in Ireland?

Mostly English here in Belfast, although there are some shops and plaques here in Gaelic. If you go down to the Republic you’ll find the Street signs are in both English and Gaelic.

11. What does a typical family look like? Do people tend to have more or less kids? Is the household the same as it would be in the United States or do other family members live in the same house (Aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.)

One of my co-workers is a Granny and she’s got to be no more than mid to late 30’s. I wouldn’t see a lot of big families now, but the age at which girls have their children seems younger than in the States. Like in the States, most Grandparents tend to have their own residence.

12. What is the government like and how much control do the people have? (Is there voting? What are the police in charge of? What kind of jails are there?)

As Northern Ireland has come out of the fighting and rioting of the Troubles, its police force is actually world renown for the advancements, in such areas as forensics, they would have from dealing with such violence. The Parliament here is split between representing the Unionist movement (those who wish to stay connected to the UK) and the Republican movement those who wish for Ireland as a whole to be self ruled. There is gerrymandering over the precincts here, but I can’t say much more detailed than that.

13. Are there any social or religious conflicts going on in Ireland currently?

Here in Belfast the peace walls are still up and there still remains an animosity about not going near or mingling with ‘the other side.’ But for the most part people are generally starting to enjoy a sense of peace.

14. What are the systems of trade an exchange? What kind of money do they use? Are there markets and stores that are similar or different from those in the United States?

The currency here in Belfast Northern Ireland is Pounds Sterling whereas the currency in the Republic of Ireland is the Euro. With globalization in the economy, the markets are starting to resemble the shops in America. However most here in Europe will be set in a sort of strip mall style rather than each store is its own edifice.

15. What type of education is available in Ireland? Are there colleges and Universities? What age do kids start going to school and what is the school system like?

Instead of splitting into three (elementary, middle and high school) the system here only has two (Primary and Secondary schools) for kids entering school until 18. Yes, there are plenty of Colleges and Universities here.

16. What are the major religions practiced in Ireland? Which is the most prominent?

Christianity – either Protestant or Catholic

17. What American holidays are not celebrated in Ireland?

Thanksgiving and Fourth of July.

18. What do people do for St. Patrick’s Day in Ireland?

Not as much as the US actually, there’s a parade and the Catholic kids get off school but the protestant kids don’t.

Growing up

March 7, 2010

I’m learning, stumbling as I may be, about being passionate about your work and yet holding back so that it doesn’t consume your life.

Maybe that’s what lunatics did; indulge their passions so much that it eventually alienated them from their context.

I don’t want to be a lunatic, but I do want to see things through this year.

Unfortunately, I have a start-up and choke record that could make a novice stick-driver chuckle.

I get jazzed and enthused about new ideas for SWAT, the youth ministry here, and how we can shape the way each night will go. But then when it comes to planning, and communicating those plans to the other leaders, I drop the ball.

In this particular line of work it, my dropping the ball is a disservice to the youth and I’m ashamed each time I do it.

I know the of the time and preparation that goes into this work, but I also know no one person could, or should, go it alone. And so this helps me to put my “aims” into perspective.

After all, I just want to be one of the tires on the bus God is driving.

~Phen

More Leaders Please. 2 Feb 2010

I’ve been under a bit of stress lately but don’t assume it’s with a negative connotation so quickly, because some stress can be a good thing. My particular case, here in my 6^th month of volunteering, is once again, knowing my role. This time, however, it is from a different angle. I have busied myself with planning youth group on a Sunday night, Bible classes for BB and GB, and Bible Study for Tuesday morning. Results have been that numbers of attendance have grown, which to anyone might sound like a good thing. And it is. But with more numbers comes more responsibility and that’s what’s got me a bit stressed. I enjoy helping out with the youth and connecting with them to cultivate growth and nurturing, but I realize that as important as that is in the short run, if we are going to maintain that quality of involvement we’re going to need more leaders in the long run. As we’ve been experimenting with group dynamics in the past months we’ve found that the smaller number of kids you have per group, in general, usually results in better communication and understanding. Further we’ve sorted by age and maturity so that each group can receive the message at their level of comprehension.

But with all the work that’s gone into coming to these conclusions I’ve lost sight of some bigger picture issues like: We’re in Northern Ireland!; where people who identify themselves as Catholic or Protestant still have some scars to be healed. I’ve been working so long on the individual level that I had left out thinking about how these lessons could specifically help out in their larger community. I felt like I had my eyes closed while I was dancing on a floor scattered with pins and needles. No wonder we’re here for at least a year, because it takes you at least this long just to realize and appreciate how many dynamics you’re working within. It’s enough to make your head spin (and so it has mine). ((and yes, earlier I ended a sentence with a preposition, so what?))

I’ve grown in my faith and character here as well. For instance: knowing who I am in Christ. I am Stephen Cottingham, 23 years old, 6’ and 180lb(depending on how long the party goes). I can help with the leadership roles of the youth group. I can offer ideas for how to organize and run the youth program. I can be a listening ear for those who need to talk to someone. I can give you most anything I have that you ask me for because it’s out of the abundance of that which I have been given. But I couldn’t do any of these things without the Holy Spirit and Christ’s body – the church. And so it is because I’ve come to this realization that I know that I must not be the sole dependent factor in which the youth get led. In the same way that we need to continue nurturing the youth we also need to cultivate those who would lead the youth. Most people get really energized about supporting the youth but it seems like they lose a bit a of steam when it comes to ‘Who’s gonna sign up to lead?’ Ask what you can do to help out with the youth program close to you because I think it would be rare to find a program that says, “No thanks, we’ve got it all sorted.”

My plan is to make the youth more visible to the congregation, currently, in terms of youth led worship and a monthly slideshow presentation to display what the kids have done over the past month. This, I feel, might help to bridge more relationship between the age gaps and shed that anxiety some get because we think we’re faced with a mountain of responsibility and we don’t know what to expect or how to handle it. The truth is we’re responsible anyway, so if we can just knock that anxiety mountain down in our heads and crumble those things that might keep us from embracing and seeking out to help the youth, we can make a difference.

~Phen