May 10, 2010
Yesterday at SWAT there was some anger between two groups of boys that escalated into stone throwing. I actually wasn’t shocked as I took each boy and asked them individually to stop throwing rocks and crumbed brick shards. The youth director eventually came out and called for a cease fire and for all the boys to come in the church immediately. When we gathered there in the session room, the boys sat divided by clique. It was an awkward division to me because on side was the oldest and youngest extremes of our youth-groups age brackets and the others were aged in the median. Our discussion began with ultimatums, but and the accusations grew deeper, I began to sense there was more going on than just unfairness and retaliation. These boys didn’t really know each other and in their own minds had separated themselves into ‘us’ and ‘them’ groups. I jumped on the chance to reassure them that they were all equally SWAT and that I wouldn’t suspend or disinvite any particular group of boys more so than another. That, of course didn’t sit well, but was enough to win them over into listening. It’s not fair to the older boys that the other group would come and muck-about the entire evening weekend after weekend. It’s not right for the older boys to retaliate in anger by throwing stones. It’s curious that the younger boys would feel like they need to act ‘hard’ when they come down to SWAT. It’s no wonder that ‘pack mentality’ exacerbates their antagonistic behavior.
But at the core, we as a youth ministry and church need to make sure we are putting out the right corrective measures. We won’t do them any favors by disinviting them to come back and yet we cannot tolerate this behavior. I spoke to them about loving your neighbor as you love yourself – which I translated into – you don’t throw rocks at them because you wouldn’t throw a rock at yourself. I feel like they, like most of us do in life, have run into a moral wall and are struggling with the internal question, “how do you love someone you don’t even like?” In the up coming weeks we, the leaders of the youth ministry are going to initiate Sunday night programs that address respecting one another and emphasize getting to know one another. I feel that this will change their minds about how to deal with confrontation when anger arises between them. You wouldn’t throw a stone at someone you knew well, even if you didn’t like them, and that’s the appeal toward ‘the good’ that I want to instill in these boys.
